n_____n

On a unrelated note to everything, i adore Muse. This band has stuck with me through the thick and thin and I will always adore their music.

Life is amazing. I hit a perfect balance of friends, games, and productivity. I'm getting out of the house and around my friends 3+ times a week now. In my free time, I juggle other games (Sims 3 and Disgaea DS) in place of my World of Warcraft time, and I set aside an hour or two a day to work on my art! My room is clean (and STAYING clean), my budget is coming under control now that all my surprise expenses are taken care of, and i've re-prioritized my schooling. In this economy and my current financial standing I would be a fool to go to college for Graphics right now, so I decided to put computer science first. Still gonna wait till the end of the year to get that ball rolling, but at least i know have a good guesstimate of what is to come.

WoW  --  Priest now has Solace of the Fallen. It's about time i replaced my gimp trinkets, i've had such bad luck with them on her. I'm really itching to get a paladin, so i'm in the process of grinding Ange up. She was 28 when i started last Saturday, and 48 now when i type this a week later. It may SOUND like i put a lot of time into this game, but nah, BoA's + knowing where to quest = king.

This change feels gewd. <3

Two weeks into my Wireless Card dying, i'm feel pretty alright. Spent a week of not playing WoW at all (I can play from my laptop, dangerous thing!) and doing other things like playing in photoshop again, being more social, getting out more. It feels wonderful. It's all the boost i need to get my life on track.

....Then i get hit with a kidney infection and a sinus cold. FML. Been knocked onto my ass for the past few days, so i decided to pick up WoW casually. I'm limiting myself to a couple hours a day to keep from going back. So far, so good. I'm playing other games, reading (WHAAAAT?!), and moar photoshopz. Aside from being ill, i feel alive. I'm not depressed. I don't feel like i'm wasting my time. Brilliant!

The change has come.

So, my PC's Wireless card has died, prompting an early quit from WoW. It's the beginning of change.

I have a lot of high hopes for this, and i'm going to make them happen.

It's been entirely too long.

So much has changed.

I'm no longer with Derek. I thought he was the driving force behind my unhappiness and at the time i left. I now mostly regret this decision, because he wasn't causing my problems at all. He was only taking care of me, a child. We keep in touch, but he's moved on, and so should i.

I'm back home with my parents. I hate every second i spend here. I'm not welcome. My stepfather hates everything I am and I cannot afford to move forward and go to school. I'm stuck in a dead-end job and I have no one I feel i can confide in.

I'm alone.
I'm always alone.

I thought i liked being alone. I thought i thrived in solitude. I've come to think differently now. I'm a social butterfly trapped in a jar. I crave contact with people, and my only source of that is via the computer. The very thing that has corrupted my life is my only outlet, my only relief. Ironic.

I've changed WoW servers. I'm now located on Mug'Thol-US. My priest has been renamed and is now at about a 2500 gear score as Disc. I'm one of the core raiders of , a new guild on Mug made primarily of transfers. About a month after starting Uld10 hardmodes, we have our Rusted Drakes, and are working on downing Algalon10. Uld25 is going down easy, ToC25 we got down this week. I raid far more than I like, and this game is turning into a chore as compared to fun. I'll be quitting raiding soon for some 'me' time.

This blog will be the source of my strength. I will begin working on my graphics again, and possibly photography. I'm going to bring the drive back. Since i cannot afford school, i will teach myself instead of wasting my time on petty games that have devoured my life.

Nyan, Thusday Night.

Like I said prior, I need to get in the habit of posting these. Who knows if it'll help.

I talked with Nick's girlfriend for a couple hours today when i got home from work. She really likes to talk. As it turns out we have more in common than i thought. She might not be as bad as Derek and I paint her to be because of the fights we overhear. Nice girl, but again, she's got quite the mouth on her.

Fell asleep around 11 after rolling over the laundry, then woke back up at 2 thinking my alarm was going off at 7. Nonetheless, after seeing the time on the computer clock, i promptly shut it off and went back to sleep.

Now this time I really woke up at 7, hopped on the computer, and found we were not doing Ulduar again. Today we actually had a Naxx 25 run going, which is shocking since we never ever run those anymore. I jumped on the bandwagon, and got through Construct and plague before i had to leave. I sadly left empty handed, after 3 shots on my tier legs, gloves, and the Forethought Talisman. I lost the last pair of tier pants by 1. ...Sad day.

Get to work, the naxx got through spider and up to Razuvious before they called it quits. My night became fairly boring at this point, as I did my dailies twice (once before and after the reset), had a good talk with a guildie, and logged off at 6AM to prepare for the people coming in.

Boring, right?

I keep getting the feeling like my life should be going somewhere, that something in my brain should be pushing me in the direction I want to go. The problem with this is that there is no voice in my head. I have no direction. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I just live it day to day. Now, many people have told me I should take time for myself to decide what I want to do with my life; to decide what's best for me. If i follow this advice, i don't know how I would go about it. What should I do?

First post, wewt.

Blog, yay. I need to get in the habit of documenting my life. Now, it may not seem like much, but I believe it could help me find what makes my life so mundane, and what I can do to make myself happier. I guess i want to write to find myself, but what am I supposed to write?

I could start with the basics. I am Female, I am 18, I like video games. I like candy, I like World of Warcraft (too much, i think), I like technology, I like art. I love my boyfriend, and my dogs, and my roommate's girlfriend's cat (even though i don't like the girlfriend herself, haha). I love music, and getting lost in sound. I like living in the moment. I hate dwelling on the past, and fighting, and shrimp. I hate artificial people, the ignorant, the arrogant, and the idiots. I hate being late, or being wrong. I hate not knowing, and I hate forgetting things. I hate being disturbed when I'm focused on something. I hate being alone.

Now where do I begin? My day? I'll start there.

Derek (my boyfriend of a year <3) left for the Grand Canyon this morning with his dad and brother (Nick). Every year they go on this hike that's apparently stupid dangerous, with narrow paths, a vertical climb, and stupid high heat and threat of dehydration and death. Hell, his brother almost died down there once because they didn't bring enough water. I fear for his life. I have no way of getting a hold of him for a week, and the first sign i get from him will be about 1PM on monday, a little under a week. Please come back, I will break if i lose you, Derek.

After I said my goodbyes to him, I went back home and went to sleep immediately so i could wake up ready for Raiding tonight with my guild, Racial Slurs n Profanity on Darkspear-US. 7pm rolls around, a good 5 people are in an Obsidian Sanctum 10 man pug. Now, our guild can really only do 10 mans at this point, so people pugging it irks me to no end. 7:30 rolls around, we finally have our 10 people on for Ulduar. It takes us till about 8:40pm to down Flame Leviathan (someone didn't talk to Brann >.<). Our GL is now trying to get 2 tanks 3 heals set up for Ignus, which would have been me (discipline priest), and two holy paladins. I let our GL step in for me since i'm no raid healer, and got ready for work, since i had to leave at 9:30pm. By the time i have to leave, they had yet to start on Ignus.

So I arrive at work, and find the second computer that runs my work on is broken, so I can't run WoW on the first one as i have to do everything else on it as well. The computers have to be at least 6 years old, so they'res pieces of garbage, so I had to find other things to occupy my time tonight, which include this blog, Gaiaonline, and Windows Live Messenger.

Now that that's out, where do i go from there to make it less boring? I'm sure people don't wanna read about my boring day.

..I really don't know, and i guess it doesn't matter.